August 7th, 2007


In Blackest Night

All right folks! Time for another Justice League episode. This time it's "In Blackest Night," a fantastical story focusing mainly on our Green Lantern friend, John Stewart. Did you guys know that the Superman:TAS episode with Kyle Rayner was called "In Brightest Day?" Because, well, it was. Amazing!

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The Enemy Below

Time for another one of these ordeals!

Last night I watched The Enemy Below, the third episode (or 6th & 7th if you prefer), and the debut of Aquaman on the series. I never used to watch this episode very much, and I'm not exactly sure why, since it's a pretty good episode. For one thing though, there's no Flash. And Aquaman can be such a dick. I think 3/4ths of this episode is him and Green Lantern just being dicks to each other.

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I promised Gear Girl I would do an episode thing for Clash so I watched it tonight and I wish I hadn't said I would write about because there is almost nothing to make fun of this episode.

Also I hate watching it.

So this is probably gonna be shorter than most of these that write. I'll talk about a couple things, and I'm gonna tell you about the wasp that showed up halfway through this episode.

Clash is the first and only episode with Captain Marvel in it. He joins the League, and meets Superman and the two don't exactly hit it off, even though when they first meet Captain Marvel is ready to cuddle up next to Superman and play with his little hair curl.

Lex is working on becoming president and has built a little city for poor people which he calls Lexor City, which is like christ, what a goddamn ego. And Superman has a goddamn stick up his ass the entire damn episode and everyone is arguing all the time and goddammit you guys.

Captain Marvel though, I gotta say, if I were a little kid and someone gives me the power to turn into a superhero with lightning, man fuck school.

And if they're like "oh you need to get an education to be a good role model" then I'll be using that Wisdom of Solomon to get my GED, thank you very much, now I'll be off beating the crap out of dudes this is so awesome.

Billy's teacher was talking about a dictator in 1939, which I at first thought may have been a reference to Vandal Savage in The Savage Time, but now I've decided that it probably wasn't for reasons I am too lazy to type.

So this wasp right? I notice my cat keeps batting at my shoes that are on the floor and I'm like "what the hell" then I see there's a bug there and then I look and oh sonofa it's a wasp and it is probably going to start stinging the shit out of my cat except this retarded wasp was apparently just very determined to get on my shoe, so Fram picked the shoe up, knocked the wasp off and then killed it with the shoe. Nice try though, cat. This is the second wasp that's been in our house in a like a month and a half. The first one was in the dishwasher, and was subsequently covered in soap.

Anyway, back in Lexor City, Superman has shown up for the grand opening...thing. After saying some bullshit words, Lex gets up and goes over to Mercy where he says something about t-minus so many seconds and then something else about an escape route. So Superman starts looking and sees something that looks like it could maybe blow up, buried deep beneath Lexville. So he starts ripping up a playground for some goddamn reason and this is the point where I can no longer watch this episode.

Captain Marvel shows up and they start fighting

and Superman throws him into a hospital and the whole thing crashes down and buildings are falling down everywhere and GOD SOMEONE USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN FOR LIKE A 10TH OF A GODDAMN SECOND.

Like, ok, Superman? Lex tells you it's an energy device and not a bomb. Ok? You ask him why he needed lead shielding then. What you should've asked is why he needs an escape route. I swear to god you are so goddamn stupid.

And as the whole city crumbles around them and it turns out Lex was telling the truth I just cringe and that is why I almost never watch this episode, even though there are some great lines in it and Batman makes this awesome face.


Fearful Symmetry

Welcome back everyone, I realize it's been a while but doesn't it just make this more special? Yeah, I thought so. I know you all want podcasts still and I had a conversation about making progress in that regard but for now you get just me talking with some pictures of what I'm talking about.

So JLU "Season One" came out yesterday. Season two came out as well, but it doesn't say that on the goddamned box. I watched Fearful Symmetry for you all.

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Terry's Friend Dates A Robot

You guys are getting another episode commentary! Sonofabitch, it's almost like I don't have a job or something!

I watched some Batman Beyond last night, specifically the episode Terry's Friend Dates a Robot. This episode has the best title ever. Yes it does. The best.

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The Ties That Bind

Ya know, I love writing these things but I never know how to start them. I wrote speeches for years in high school and college and I could always think of snappy intros but doing that seems out of place here. So I'm always kinda just.."dur dur here's another one."

Anyway, dur dur here's another one.

After being gone all of third season(or first or what the fuck ever), Flash makes his triumphant return in The Ties That Bind. The teleplay was by J.M. DeMatteis. It's kinda cheesy, kinda funny, and overall wonderful, and a perfect fit for Flash.

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Hand of Fate

I watched Hand of Fate.

No not that hand.

His hand.

Superman finds himself up against some goddamn magic and only Doctor Fate can help. I love Fate. He is so awesome.

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If You're So Reality, What is Rich, Smarty?

Two episodes in one review!? Can it be done!? Who cares?

Oh the Riddler. He shall riddle you, heartily. The two episodes in this special "twofer" are If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich? and What is Reality? Both are in the second volume of Batman DVDs. So, I dunno, something.

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